Shield Me From the Cold
by Seeker of the Sea
Summary: Feeling lost and alone after losing everything that ever mattered to her, Regina seeks solitude and breaks down. Emma, feeling the urge to go to her, finds the woman alone and in pieces. She will do her best show Regina that she's not alone anymore and that there is warmth to be found.


_**AN: This idea popped into my head this morning and refused to leave me alone, so I decided to write it out. It's slightly off the story line from the show, starting after Queen of Hearts/The Cricket Game. This is set about 6 months after the defeat of Cora. Regina never turned to her mother and instead kept her promise to be a better person, not using magic after saving Emma and Snow and defeating Cora. It was written pretty quickly so I apologize for any mistakes. I hope you like it and would love to know what you think.**_

**Shield Me From the Cold**

It was cold. A damp wind blew in off the harbor, leaving a deep chill on everything it touched. Most of the town had retreated to their homes, seeking warmth and comfort in their families and friends; but there was one who, alone, sat in cold and growing darkness.

Regina sat on a bench overlooking the harbor deep in thought. She didn't want to press her presence on anyone by going to the diner for a much craved for, warming cup of coffee. The townspeople were not as hostile to her as they had been before she helped put a stop to her mother but she still made people uncomfortable. Which, if she was honest, she understood; as much as she had and was still trying to change, she had done terrible things to almost all of them. Forgiveness was not easily granted for that. She would keep trying though even if it got her nowhere. At this point it was more for her than for anyone else. The path of evil was not one she wanted to go down ever again and in her mind, "the Evil Queen" no longer existed. It was doubtful that anyone else would believe that though.

When Snow White and Emma Swan returned through the portal, when she drained the curse meant to kill them something started changing inside her. It was her first act of true goodness, for good reasons, in longer than she could remember. And it felt right.

Weeks later her mother appeared and began creating chaos throughout the town. Cora had appeared to her with promises of everything she had ever wanted and words of love. Regina withstood. For the first time she truly saw through her mother's lies and she refused to play a part in the evil plan. The battle had been intense and eventually, with the help of the Savior, Snow, Charming, and Gold, Regina finally put an end to her mother. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done. For a week after, she hid away in the mansion and saw no one and spoke to no one. Eventually, Emma had come and torn her away from herself, telling her that Henry wanted to see her. Things had gotten better after that, but things were still far from being "alright" for her.

Now, without that rage that had filled her heart Regina was left with only a crushing loneliness. She did her best to hide it in front of her son and the few others she had regular contact with but it was becoming more difficult to put on that mask. She thinks that she might even be failing sometimes at it. Several times in the past few weeks she has caught Emma looking at her with an interesting expression, one that seemed to be part concern, part understanding, and something else Regina couldn't place.

It had happened again two days ago at their "family dinner."

Henry had suggested that once a week they all (Henry, Emma, and herself) meet at Granny's for dinner. She and Emma had both agreed. And for four months now "family dinner night" had become her unspoken favorite night of the week. After the way Henry had acted towards her after the curse broke she was afraid she would lose him forever. She would do anything to spend time with him and make him happy. It had taken awhile for him to forgive her and for her to regain his trust and things were still a little strained between them but it was getting better, slowly. And with the help of Miss Swan.

Emma Swan. Surprisingly, she saw quite a lot of her since she returned from the Enchanted Forest and surprisingly, she didn't mind nearly as much as she would have thought of the woman who had once been her fierce enemy. More than anyone else in Storybrooke, Miss Swan had believed in her and her attempts to change. That went a long way with the former queen. No one had ever truly had faith in her like that before. Which brought the brunette back to the reason she was sitting alone in the bitter cold.

She was alone, and not just alone in presence but a deep, painful loneliness that resonated within her. Her deepest desire, the only thing she had ever truly wanted, was for someone to love her. Simple as that; just love. It was the loss of love that had triggered her initial change into the Evil Queen in the first place.

Her mother, she knew now, had never really loved her like she should have. Regina was always a tool for her. A way to gain power and position with the kingdom for herself. Her father, Regina had loved him, to the very end. She still regretted what she had done to him. And he had loved her as well; but not enough. Not enough to stand up to Cora and stop her magic and not enough to save her from a forced marriage to a crass king with care for her heart. The one who did truly love her, Daniel, had been savagely ripped from her grasp and killed before her eyes. It still haunted her. Graham had been nothing more than a warm body to her, an attempt to feel something besides anger and hatred. Even Henry, her beloved son, had turned against her. She was getting him back, but there was still that doubt there, that it might not last.

The old Regina was not prone to feelings and weakness, but this new version knew almost nothing but. It was overwhelming her and she didn't know what to do anymore. A tear slipped down her cheek silently. It could almost be blamed on the cold wind, almost.

Emma drove toward the waterfront. She knew that's where she would find Regina. She had been at the diner earlier when she felt the urge to see the brunette. Her text had gone unanswered so she took her order to-go and went in search. A quick drive-by showed the mansion uninhabited, that left only one other place to look. Since the defeat of Cora, she and Regina had become closer, starting for the sake of their son, but it was becoming something else. Emma liked finding reasons to spend time with the older woman, with or without Henry. That's how she found out about the spot Regina retreats to. An evening walk together led them to bench and Regina explained, in part, her coming there to escape things. She was surprised that the brunette had opened up to her about it, but took it in stride and tried to make sure it kept happening.

She and Regina had always had a strange connection, usually filled with tension, but there was undeniable chemistry there. In the past it had led to fights and snarky comments but the harsh words and physicality between the women had all but disappeared lately. It was different, but in a good way. Emma had finally gotten to know the real Regina, the woman behind the "Evil Queen." With the change in the other woman, Emma found herself strangely drawn to her in a way that was different from before. She wanted to be around Regina, and not just because it pleased Henry to be with both his moms. She wanted it for her. So she drove the cold, darkening streets to find her.

At the small parking lot up the path from the bench Emma turned off her car. In the distance she could see a figure sitting, hunched into themselves. From the cold or their own thoughts she couldn't be sure. Emma zipped up her jacket against the cold and grabbed two drinks from the passenger seat. On a whim, she glanced to the backseat and gathered the extra blanket she saw to take with her as well. Supplies in hand, she made her way to Regina.

Regina didn't hear Emma approaching over the wind and the soft "Hey" that was offered startled her. The blonde moved around in front of the bench and took a seat before she got a good look at Regina's face. She looked more broken than Emma had ever seen her.

"Hey," she said again. She received a soft "Hello" in return.

"I brought you coffee," Emma continued, handing the cup to Regina. "It's cold out here. I thought you might like it."

The brunette took cup, wrapping her hands around it trying to soak in the warmth it offered. "Thank you, that was very thoughtful."

A small smile sparked on Emma's face as she sipped at her own hot chocolate. They sat in silence for a few minutes. The younger woman knew it was better to give her companion some time before pressing her. The silence would have continued for a while longer had a shiver not wracked its way through Regina's body. Emma made a quick decision, figuring that just doing was better than asking in this moment. She picked up the blanket she'd brought and wrapped half of it around the shaking woman before sliding the other half around herself, hoping her own body heat would help warm the former queen.

Regina made no complaints and adjusted the blanket to cover her better, unable to help moving slightly toward the warmth seeping from the blonde.

"How long have you been here?"

Eyes glued to her cup she answered quietly, "I don't know."

"You want to leave?"

A small head shake, "Not yet."

More silence.

"Talk to me Regina. What's wrong?"

She saw a tear roll slowly down a wind-burned cheek. A second later a sob escaped. Emma immediately wrapped her arms around the woman, who clung to her in return. She was unsure of what to do, never had she seen Regina like this. So she did the only thing she could think of and held her tight, rubbing her back soothingly from time to time.

Slowly the reformed queen regained her composure but did not let go of her savior. "I'm sorry for that."

Emma gave her a squeeze, "We're past this now Regina. You don't have to be sorry. I'm here for you." She drew back to look into dark chocolate eyes, "Talk to me."

"I'm just so alone. No one wants me; no one ever has. Everyone who I have ever cared for has either lied to me or was taken. I never wanted any of this. All I wanted was for someone to love me." She tried her best to hold back her tears but a few escaped.

The blonde held her tighter. "I was just a tool to my mother, something she could use to gain power. The things she did to me…. But I still loved her so much. And now I know she was never even capable of love. Everything she told me was a lie for her gain. And then just when I thought things could get better and I could be happy she killed the only person who loved me just for me. I lost it. There was nothing left for me. I thought that maybe if other people knew what it felt like for me, we would have some kind of bond and I wouldn't be alone." She scoffed at herself. "I was so messed up."

Emma laughed softly at her choice of words but let her continue.

"That's how it started, my transition into the Evil Queen. Despite what most people think of me, I was not born evil."

The sheriff gently wiped at the tears left on cold cheeks. Her green eyes piercing into the older woman, holding her there, "I never believed that. And it's so obvious to me now. The woman I've gotten to know these last few months was the real you. Everything before that was the creation of the true villain. Someday, everyone else will see that you were just as much a victim as they have been."

Regina took in a breath at the words.

"You've been so strong Regina, doing everything, raising Henry all by yourself. But you have help now, and I'm going to be here for you."

Eyes down again, brown hair shook with disagreement, "How can you say that? No one wants to be with me, not for long anyway. I'd just lose you too."

Chilled fingers gently raised her chin and forced their eyes to each other once again. Regina saw something in the green that she couldn't understand.

"Regina…" Emma breathed out softly, "I want to be with you. This connection between us, it just keeps getting stronger. It feels like my heart is drawn to you, and I can't keep denying what I want."

"What are you saying?"

Taking her face between her hands, the savior answered, "I care for you Regina. More than I ever have for anyone before. I want to be with you and make you happy and keep you safe."

The older woman started to tear again at Emma's words. "Emma… I-I don't…. I'm scared."

"I know," was the reply, "And I am too. No one ever really seemed to want me either. But you're worth it Regina. What we could gain outweighs the risk."

Regina touched the back of the hand cupping her cheek. "I can't Emma. I can't take losing anyone else. There would be nothing left." Her voice dropped even lower, "I wouldn't survive if you left me."

Green eye beseeched dark brown in a plea for belief. "I won't. I promise I will never leave you. I can't even picture my life without you anymore. Please believe me. You know you want this too; someone to love you. I don't know if it's love yet, but it will be, I just need a chance to show you."

"Emma…"

"Please Regina," she almost begged, "give us a chance." Her eyes closed as her statement ended.

When they opened again, the chocolate eyes that had captured her heart were only inches away. With barely a movement of her lips the brunette whispered, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I can't deny it any longer. You make me feel things I haven't felt in many years. I feel safe with you Emma and I can't say no to you."

Unshed tears glistened in the green orbs. "Regina," she whispered as she pulled the beauty toward her to close the remaining distance.

Eyes closed as lips met and it was a kiss unlike any either had ever experienced. It was unimaginably gentle and full of unspoken emotions. While it remained sweet, the two poured their feelings into it. They were both filled with a warmth that nullified any chill from the wind. A light brought them to break apart and they looked to find their fingers glowing.

"What is it," Emma asked.

"Magic," Regina whispered back, caressing Emma's face. "Love."


End file.
